He seems fine and I suffer? That is how it feels right now.
At work I can act and pretend in front of customers and coworkers, but I still have this bad feeling. It feels like anxiety mixed with some bad shellfish. This constant nausea is bugging the hell out of me. Maybe it will pass.
A couple of days ago we went on one of our “fun adventures”, it was so surreal. I felt relaxed and so happy, even if it lasted for twenty minutes. It felt amazing, and then it went right back to reality again.
He has been very busy at work for a couple of weeks. It’s always like this every year, and of course it’s a lot for me at work as well. I’m tired, he’s tired.
It’s not a good time for any of these feelings and doubts. I know, it’s never a good time.
But it’s unfortunate that every little thing collides.
We still haven’t packed any of our stuff and we are only one month away from moving.
I need time, and I need space. I’m not having a good feeling about any of this, last week it felt like we were moving forward. But now it feels like he has no feelings towards me or what he actually has put me through.
I really need some answers, her side of the story and him being totally honest about all of this in order to move on.
If I have to make a decision right now I would have to end this relationship.
My heart says that I should power through but my stomach is feeling the opposite.
It’s not healthy to fight this battle alone, it’s probably more unhealthy for me because I’m already suffering from depression and anxiety. I’ve been having more dark thoughts than I used to have and it’s not getting better. It’s all a big blur and all this confusion is slowly tearing me down.