What would you do?
Maybe you’ve been following my journey. I don’t mean my life journey, I mean this Journey of sorrow that started a couple of weeks ago.
I’m not sure I can wrap my head around all of this. Will I ever be able to do that?
There’s less than ten days left of 2023 and I would never have thought that this year would end like this. I have always remembered the Holidays as something calming and warm. Getting together with your loved ones and just feeling grateful.
These past years have been so weird. With the Coronavirus, my battle with cancer, the endless battles of anxiety and depression.
If there ever was a time for this infidelity to rise above the surface it would have been more graceful during lockdown. Back then it was more acceptable that you grew apart, and it wasn’t a strange thing that you got tired of each other.
But these “events” have been going on for years. The worst part is that he has done these things in our current home.
The home where I’ve felt safe and happy.
The only home that I’ve felt safe in probably twelve years. And why isn’t there any logical reason behind all of this? Or is it?
What have I missed? He is the one who’s been telling me that I should trust him, because he can not lie or deceive another person. Especially not a person that he loves.
Well maybe that sums it all up. He doesn’t love me, he never has.
But why does he tell me that he does love me and wants to work everything out?
I can’t seem to figure this out. I can’t figure him out. I never have been able to do that.
But now more than ever I need answers and clarity.
Let’s take a step back and go through the facts.
His ex wife reached out to me about two weeks ago, sending me screenshots of him texting her inappropriate.
She also informed me that she is so scared of him and the fact that he doesn’t let her go.
It doesn’t really add up, because when I go through these screenshots she seems very invested in these texts although she says that she fears him.
When I confronted him about all of this he confessed one isolated incident where they both sent each other some sort of dirty videos or what you might call it. He has also shown me some screenshots he has taken while they were texting.
I got really upset, because we’ve decided that he shouldn’t have any contact with her and of course not send her any compliments or attention.
And then there is all the one way communication she has had with me. I decided to block her and her number about six years ago. I have continuously received multiple anonymous text messages where the writer explains very detailed information about him and I and that he and her have been planning and having a relationship behind my back.
This has been an ongoing thing through all of our years together.
So with all these poor facts I can make three very different scenarios.
Scenario number one;
They have indeed planned a life together behind my back. They are totally on the same page and use my trigger points as a hostage. They have decided to all of this stuff together against me. He thought he found love in me but quickly decided to try to get together with her. And he used me, my emotions and my money to be able to get his old life back.
Scenario number two;
He has been stalking her. He has been the one sending me anonymous texts and trying to break me down both emotionally and financially. She has been tortured with both mental and physical abuse on a daily basis in their marriage. He is also the one who has broken their finances. She does in fact sleep with a knife or a gun next to her bed every night because she is terrified that he might turn up outside one night.
Scenario number three;
He is telling me the truth. He has only been communicating with her to make her calm and leave us alone. Yes he has been doing some shady shit but he is now aware of the consequences and does regret everything. He will take responsibility and do whatever it takes to help us get back on track.
Which scenario seems most legit?
My whole heart wishes that number three is the real deal. But it doesn’t add up to the fact that if you have remorse or feel guilty about something you talk with your partner, you clear things up before the ex wife decides to fuck everything up.
If you are aware that your current partner is suffering from bad self esteem and have been treated poorly in relationships before you. Then you make the one you say you love feel safe, important and above all other women.
You don’t give her more reasons to doubt you, more reasons for feeling useless and you never give her more reasons to believe that everyone would be better off with her not being alive anymore.
What are your inputs in these three scenarios?
I feel that time is ticking and I need to make a decision.