I think that these current events in my life are one of the heaviest on my heart.
And I’ve been through quite a lot. Today I’m going to talk about other aspects of my life that might contribute to my final decision when it comes to my relationship.
When growing up I had my mum and my dad, their relationship has been complicated through all of their years.
Their love language is arguing with each other. And I have to mention the fact that my dad never has been the faithful man he has portrayed himself to be.
But in the end, they still love each other.
My dad’s parents’ relationship was not the most lovable. I do believe that they loved each other.
My grandmother was a journalist, and she traveled a lot, my grandfather was a farmer and spent most of his time on the farm. My dad was an only child, just like me.
Just before my grandmother passed away in 2003, she told us about my grandfather, that he had been treating her badly and that he had been mean to her.
She never showed any signs of this before, she always took his side and really stood by her man.
I know they were a different generation, and they never showed any public affections.
I miss them a lot, they were a huge part of my life and I lived with them when my mother was sick, and my dad was away on business trips.
My grandmother is the reason I started writing, she inspired me so much.
My mothers’ parents are a whole different story. I remember them fighting and arguing loud and clear since I was a little child.
My mum who is the oldest of the siblings have been busy growing up way too fast if you ask me.
My grandmother would come over at night when they had argued and stayed for a couple of days. She has always been dwelling in the past.
Which is the main reason for them still arguing. My grandfather is stubborn and will not talk about feelings very often.
But he is the kind of man who laughs, makes jokes and makes everyone happy. Except for my grandmother.
I’m not sure how they survived together all these years.
They are over 80 years old and still fight about things that happened over 40 years ago.
My grandfather is not the dwelling kind, but I guess he’s being dragged into it when my grandmother talks about the past all the time.
She also suffers from major childhood traumas, depressions, and anxiety. It’s running through our genetics.
My aunts and cousins deal with mental health issues, addictions such as drugs and alcohol and have years of abusive relationships behind them.
They fight and blame each other for everything and can never take own accountability for anything that ever happened.
Years ago I had a fallout with one of my aunts, and it almost broke our whole family.
I really don’t want to become a dweller. So, when I make this decision, I must be sure that I can forgive and let go.
Of course, I will not forget about this. But I hope I will forget the feeling I have right now.
I know I overthink and analyze everything, but now I feel like my gut feeling has shown me that I’ve been right.
Now what? Should I rely on him? I just want to feel more at ease.