Christmas of 2023 is finally over. I love Christmas, but this year is so different.
I don’t think I’ve ever had my heart break just around Christmas before. It’s a weird feeling.
I wish I was that kind of person who would have left him all alone through the Holidays.
But I can’t, my parents would never be able to do that either.
I’m struggling right now, I’m not mad anymore, I’m just sad, sad and anxious.
If I ask him questions I’m not sure if he is telling me the truth and he seems bothered when I bring this up.
When it all happened he seemed remorseful and sad. Now he doesn’t show anything.
My head is making up all different ways of why he doesn’t fight more to take me back.
To show me that he will never make me feel this way again.
He has told me that he is not the begging kind, but right now, it’s time to step up. Beg, explain, talk about feelings and show affections.
Maybe he just don’t care.
The hardest part is that I love him so much, I’m kind of blown away that I do love him and want to spend every hour and day with him, even after all of this.
A couple of days work then it’s time for new years eve. I’ve had some friends asking me to spend it with them, but I want to spend it with him.
I know I shouldn’t listen to my friends feelings regarding all of this. But they are seeing this in a another perspective.
They have the clarity, I don’t.
And now I know I won’t get and any clarity from his ex-wife.
She hasn’t responded to the things he has written her regarding getting some of the things straight.
One part of me still have doubts about him not having any contact with her at the moment.
What do you think?
I hope that you’ve had a lovely Christmas with your loved ones.
I hope that this last “Christmas-day” will give me some more clarity.